Everyone knows that Carmel died of Cancer but, in nearly 2 years of illness and 21 months of treatment, Carmel kept most of the details to herself which was her choice. Many people have asked how this could have happened, the end seemed to come so quick, which was a shock to many, including us.

I do not wish Carmel to be remembered as 'that girl that got cancer' and she did not want to be defined by that, but I really wanted to share just how brave she was and what she went through during that time. I could not have gone through what she did.

It was early October 2022. We had just returned from our annual holiday in Spain where we had spent time in the sun and some time with her parents as we did every year. I took Carmel out for a meal to celebrate the 10th anniversary of us meeting but she was feeling under the weather and not herself. During October and into November Carmel gradually felt more and more unwell, she was being sick on a regular basis and developed a cough however, thinking it was just a bug she continued to work and socialise as she had made commitments and did not want to let anyone down. During this time we tried to get doctors appointments and blood tests (all challenging as Covid restrictions were still in place) until we finally got a GP appointment on 22nd November 2022.

The GP examined Carmel and told us in a concerned voice that we needed to go straight to A&E. I drove Carmel straight to A&E where we waited for 24 hours. Carmel was admitted and the A&E doctors told us that they thought she may have cancer. At admission the cancer had blocked Carmel's stomach and had collapsed one of her lungs. She had her lung drained and a feeding tube inserted past the blockage so she could get nutrition. She also had many scans and biopsies. At this point everything was a blur, Carmel had no signs or symptoms of cancer until she started to feel unwell with what we thought was just a bug - how could she get so seriously sick without any warning?

Just before Christmas 2022 Carmel was transferred to Guys hospital where she was given the diagnosis of Stage 4b Ovarian Cancer. The cancer had already spread to her stomach, bowel and lung. She was given multiple chest drains, a liver drain, had 2 stents fitted and started chemotherapy as an in-patient. During her 2 months in Guys hospital Carmel had 5 procedures under general anaesthetic and spent time on 3 different oncology wards. She had multiple infusions including blood transfusions and endured pain and discomfort that nobody should - but, she was a fighter.

In late February 2023 Carmel was patched up and discharged home after 3 months in hospital. They had finally got ahead of what the cancer had done to her and she was doing ok. She had lost lots of weight and was weak but was glad to be home. She then spent the next 6 months receiving chemotherapy as an out-patient. These 6 months went really well, Carmel was responding well to the chemo and the cancer was in remission. She was putting on weight and getting stronger every day - even her cancer team were surprised and impressed with how well she was doing. Carmel continued to fight, she religiously completed her physiotherapy, forced herself to get nutrition and eat well (which is not easy when you are receiving chemo) and got to the point in the summer where her cancer team felt she was a candidate for surgery. 

Carmel was thrilled at the opportunity for surgery, this was a chance to get rid of the cancer once and for all and in September 2023, Carmel was admitted to St Thomas hospital for radical debulking surgery (you can look it up on google if you want!). Carmel went through an 8 hour operation and spent the night in intensive care and just 12 days on the ward before being discharged home. She recovered well and the surgery went well - now for part two!

As Carmel's cancer had already spread to her lung she needed a further surgery to remove the cancer there as well. After a short recovery from the radical debulking surgery she was admitted to Guys hospital for a right pleurectomy (again google!). This was another major surgery and she spent 2 nights in the critical care unit before being moved to the thoracic ward. The thoracic team said that the surgery had gone well but Carmel was not herself and seemed to be getting unwell again rather than recovering. After a few days her team decided to give her a scan and they discovered that the cancer had returned in her abdomen. 

This was a real blow, Carmel had fought so hard and gone through so much to beat this vicious disease but it came back to kick her again. In December 2023 they moved Carmel from the thoracic ward, back to an oncology ward, and gave her more chemotherapy as an in-patient. After a few days she was discharged home to recover from the surgeries.

Over Christmas and New Year 2023/2024 Carmel was not well but she was at home this year which gave her some joy. She continued further chemotherapy and an additional therapy but did not really recover like she had previously. In late February 2024 she was advised by her cancer team that her cancer had become resistant to the chemotherapy treatment and was spreading further. Carmel immediately started a new combination chemotherapy, much more intensive than the last. She had one 3 week cycle before the wedding in March 2024 and then another 3 week cycle directly after the wedding. 

Following the second cycle Carmel became unwell and in mid April 2024 was admitted to Guys hospital with a serious infection. This time she was admitted for 2 weeks and whilst she was an in-patient they discovered the cancer had blocked her kidneys and spread to her bones. She underwent a procedure to fit 2 more stents and they got on top of the infection. She was again discharged home and completed another cycle of the chemotherapy which, again, put her back in hospital for a second time in mid May 2024 with another infection. The kidney stents were also causing Carmel lots of discomfort and she was at the point where we did not know what was doing more damage, the cancer or the treatment. 

In June 2024, following this admission, her cancer team decided Carmel needed a break from treatment. On the 4th July 2024 she met her consultant oncologist who explained that they needed to stop this chemotherapy regime as it was not working, the cancer was still spreading, and it was also making her very unwell. There was one final option - another chemotherapy drug but there was only a 10% chance that it would do anything of note. Her oncologist asked Carmel if she wanted more treatment and Carmel said 'hell yes - I am still fighting this thing' but she never did get the chance to give it one last try.

From this point we know what happened, but Carmel still refused to believe that she was going to die and continued to fight. A week before she died she asked me to get a Chinese takeaway as she wanted to taste it and, even though she had not really eaten anything for weeks, wanted to stage a fightback. Of course, I got her the takeaway and she tried to eat some but it made her quite unwell - she was still fighting. 

Cancer is a cruel disease; Carmel went from absolute shock and fear at the beginning through pain and hope as she got better then to a gradual realisation that the cancer was beating her. She fought for 21 months to beat the thing, took every treatment and major surgery they offered (even with the serious risks involved) and was determined until the end. 

Carmel you were a brave and wonderful soul. I was there with you for every step and admired everything you did. I am so sorry things did not turn out better, but you did nothing wrong. It was not your fault. You were just unlucky. Life can be so unfair, but you were a fighter to the end and a star x